“We have this way of talking, and we have another.
Apart from what we wish and what we fear may happen,
we are alive with other life, as clear stones
take form in the mountain.”—Rumi (via fuckyeahrumi)
It’s a good thing you never showed in the pouring rain, as if a good thing ever could make up for all the pain. There will be no last choice to promise to never mess it up again. Just the sweet pain of watching your back, as you walk, as I’m watching you walk away. And now you’re gone, it’s like an echo in my head. And I remember every word you said.
It’s a cold thing, you’ll never know all the ways I tried. It’s a hard thing faking a smile when I feel like I’m falling apart inside. And now you’re gone, it’s like an echo in my head, and I remember every word you said.
And you never were, and you never will be mine. Oh you never were, and you never will be mine.
For the first time there is a mercy in your eyes, and the cold wind’s hitting my face and you’re gone and you’re walking away, away. And I am helpless sometimes, wishing’s just no good. Because you don’t see me like I wish you would.
Because you never were and you never will be mine. No you never were and you never will be mine.
There’s a moment to seize every time that we meet, but you always keep passing me by. But you never were, and you never will be mine. No you never were, and you never will be mine.
We’ve only ever kissed lying down. We’ve only ever touched when there’s no one else around. I can be elusive if you want me to. I’m not being intrusive, I just wish I knew the truth as to why I wait for you longer than the average person would, and why I think about you more than I think one should. Our bodies fit together like a makeshift puzzle, and it’s clear to see why you puzzle me when you turn your frame and you whisper my name as though I am a burden.
Because I’m making up for lost time and I’m making up for you, and I’m waking up from last night, and I’m waking up with you. So what’s new?
I am at your house, so I belong to you for now, trying to impress you, but Lord I don’t know how. I can be a statue if you want me to, I’m not being difficult I just need to know the truth as to why I’m wanting you, and I would take you if I could, and why I’m still here. It’s something I still haven’t understood. Our hands press together like pieces of paper, but they’re always blank when I hold your hand. And it gave you a fright when I stayed the night and you gave yourself to me.
Because I’m making up for lost time, and I’m making up for you. And I’m waking up from last night, and I’m waking up with you. So what’s new?
It’s not the end, it’s not the end, so don’t, let’s pretend.
Because I’m making up for lost time, and I’m making up for you. And I’m waking up from last night, and I’m making up for you.
Seeing as I’m realizing my actions have repercussions, things are changing very quickly.
Dane moved into his new apartment yesterday, my mom’s car was stolen on Friday, and I’m now officially an adult.
I’m starting to realize that although I love my mother so much, we never see eye to eye, and living under her roof, though amazing and fun at times, isn’t the best idea.
We’re both headstrong in our beliefs and always like to have our way, and the two of us put together never works. We’re constantly at odds. When I think about it even more, I realize that’s exactly how she and her mother are.
Therefore, I’ve been packing up my things and moving to my Dad’s house all day. Dad and I have always been closer, and this way I can also spend more much needed time with Olivia. And the closet is bigger :P
But, on a much more serious tone, I’m also going to start paying certain bills. For example, my mom and I are going to Verizon tomorrow to switch my phone over to my name, so I’m beginning to pay for that myself. She is also taking her name off the title to my car, and my Dad and I plan on putting my name on it. So, since my car is already paid off, I’m going to pay my own car insurance. I have no idea how pricy that is going to be. I’ve already been doing very well paying off my current debt, and now, money is going to be extremely tight. However, I’m dead set determined on making this all work. So from now on, I will:
Live at my Dad’s, rent free
Pay my cell phone bill
Pay my car insurance
Purchase my own gas and food
Pay towards my student loans/housing balance from last year
WHILE AT THE SAME TIME
Working a part-time job, possibly picking up another
Taking a full load of classes, and ace-ing the fuck out of them
Spending more time with my family
Cultivating relationships with my friends
Further delving into my relationship with my boyfriend
Adulthood just slapped me in the face. And what’s scary is that this isn’t even full-fledged adulthood. It’s just now beginning to ripen. Eventually I’ll have to pay everything by myself.